Very New Tips to Deal with Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

I will be migrating to MRSTREASURES.COM

You are caught in a snare.  It almost feels like a web.  You are stuck.  You do not have confidence to make any movements at all.  It seems that you are called to reflect on the emotions you are feeling right now – confusion, hurt, anger, betrayal.  No action means you will be forever entangled in this nightmare.  You need to do something.

These awful feelings are common for the loved ones of those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.  The betrayal of the past haunts you.  You feel justified hurting.  You also feel that is fair to show a controllable anger to your situation.  You are tightly holding on to reality.  It seems that the more you entertain the betrayal, the angrier you get.  It just seems unfair that your Borderline loved one has a passport to their rages, disobedience and betrayal.  And, you – the person loving them face a life of constant wounds.

Your Borderline loved one undoubtedly causes a new wound to another wound that have not yet healed.  If you are going to take a look at it closely, is it just one part of your life where you feel so wounded?  Or does the Borderline in your life inflict one wound after another in  other areas of your life?  How can you heal from that kind of situation?

Yes, the burden on the caregivers of those with Borderline Personality Disorder is not easy.  It is a life of constant emotional abuse.  At least, this is what the secular world thinks about this.  You are suppose to be the “normal one”.  You have to understand this disorder.  No one has an accurate prescription for healing.

If you son or daughter is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, you must know that in the process on entanglement with your Borderline child, you may possibly incur a “root sin”.  It may be as simple as “unforgiveness”, or the inability to completely forgive.

Shouldn’t forgiveness be always complete ?

Peter came and said to Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Wow! Without calculating that, that is lots of forgiving.  Many of us took that figuratively.  But, really how many times have we really forgiven our Borderline loved one?  I doubt that you did “70 x 7” times even if it felt like so.

Forgiveness may just be defined as one simple act.  But, we all know that there is tremendous work involved when you forgive a person.

When you forgive your loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder, do you feel like cursing them for the injustice they did?  Do you feel they deserve the situation they are in?  Do you feel their case is really hopeless and you did everything already for them?  Do you feel this deep nasty feeling of repugnance that really you would rather spend the day with someone else?  Do you want to avoid them, at least for a day, several days if possible?  Do you force yourself to treat them nice and end up being sarcastic, sad and negative? Do you plan to do something good for them and end up in an argument?

Would you have any hope to be “happy” with this current state with your Borderline loved one?  Seems to be a typical lamenting but really if you do not think you will be joyful being with your Borderline loved one, then you are in “darkness”, also called a “darkness in your soul”.  Some call it an “epiphany”.

I like to direct you to some Catholic Saints who experienced some “darkness in their souls” such as St. John the Cross, St. Theresa of Avila, St. Theresa of the Child Jesus and even Mother Teresa.  They struggled with the confusing feelings of forgiveness, from those who were stumbling blocks to their vocation and to a certain point they were rebelling to God.

If you are in despair about your Borderline child, you must reach out for “hope”.   How can you have hope, when you feel darkness or a multitude of negative emotions? There is no sense.  There is no light to your situation with your Borderline child.

You are seeking the answer in the secular world, whose prescriptions of healing are limited by scientific studies.

In order for you to see the Light, then you must have also have faith.  The faith that God is not up there not knowing what you are going through.  It is up to God, based on His Divine Plan for your life, to determine if the “answer” to your problems with your Borderline loved one will be a quick one or a slow, gradual one.  Yet, our human nature hopes for the fastest route to healing.  Thus, the first stumbling block is your impatience.

We cannot force it quick when God wants you to get something out of this on a daily basis in your life.  So, part of dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder is acceptance of this illness.  Separate the illness from your child.

The next step is cultivating the virtue of “patience” in your life with your Borderline loved one.  Patience requires a conducive environment that is highly proportionate to the stress in your life.  Thus, stress-relieving techniques go hand in hand with being patient.  Stress makes you more impatient.  Sickness and physical pains make you more impatient.  Strive to live a healthy life.

God is not refusing your countless prayers for your Borderline child.  He wants you to learn to communicate with Him.  He wants you to come to Him and rely on Him completely.  This is something not easy for us mortals.  We always think that we have to rely on ourselves first.

When we talk about God’s Divine Plan, guess what?  You are executing your life story authored by God.  Guess what?  God had it all planned out when He carved you in the womb of your mother.  And guess what, God only wants our “ok”.  He wants us to say “yes”.  He wants us to lovingly accept His Divine Plan uniquely tailored fit for us.

God prepared you to take care of the Borderline loved one in your midst.  You have to be patient if you discerned that God’s solution to your problem is not the quick route.  You have to forgive your Borderline loved one.  It means for each hurt a Borderline gives you, put simply, for each wound a Borderline cause in your heart,  muster your strength to pray for your Borderline child.   Teach yourself to call on God, not only on the most difficult parts of  loving them, but daily.  Say it over and over again “O Lord, come to my assistance.  O Lord, makes haste to help me.”

The bottom line of this post is the crucial element of forgiveness and how to do it the right way.  And, then you proceed to accept your responsibilities with your Borderline loved one but with renewed hope that this is not your battle alone.  God has forgiven us and are able to forgive us with His Infinite Mercy and He also promises us that as long as we are willing to forgive, we can be faithful to our responsibilities or the vocation we are called for.

Unforgiveness connects us to the root sin, the cause of the darkness in your life.  Forgiveness connects us to root Good – who is our Creator,  our Light Source.

Mathematically :  Unforgiveness + unforgiveness = darkness and loss of hope.

For articles on Borderline Personality Disorder,  you may wish to read the following:

How to Spot a Guy with Undiagnosed Personality Disorder

Secrets to Handle a Child’s Temper Tantrum

Handling Borderline Personality Disorder Rages: 5 Secrets for Their Loved Ones

Borderline Personality Disorder and Compassion

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

Temper Dysregulation Disorder: The Proposed New Label for Children with Bipolar Disorder

Inability of Borderlines to Forgive

One night, my husband and I were practicing our parts for our  Church choir.  Our 13 yo old boy ran up to us.  He was having cold sweats and crying.  He told us that his sister shut the door and his finger was caught in it.  That is his version of the story.

In a short while, her sister came running and said “You want to hear the full story?  He wanted to go inside our bedroom and I told him “No!”

Clearly both teens have their own reasons for their behaviors.

Our 17 yo daughter seems to have no empathy for the pain of his younger brother.

“Who cares if you broke your finger?  You know better than not to go to our room.”  Thoughts that are probably in her mind.

My husband, on the other hand, is faced with a daughter who he feels is too much  into her own hurts and wounds that she is not even capable of giving empathy.  ALARM. ALARM. ALARM.

We wanted our daughter to get out of her rage and focus on the pain of her brother.  This is what we want her to learn.  She might feel justified in her  actions towards what  his brother just did  but it does not erase the fact that her brother is hurting and might be suffering from a broken finger.

It would be nice if she will get out of herself and feel at least some empathy.

For some children this is easy to do but for someone who is selfish and self-centered, this might require some practice.

If I could relate this small story in our family to your loved ones with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), it has some similarities.

Your Borderline loved one has her own wounds.  You have your own emotional wounds.  In a crisis situation, the Borderline can feel self-centered and may even justify her own actions towards this crisis.  In the world of a Borderline, her emotional pain is about being misunderstood.  And, based on her history, she is obsessed with the thought that this crisis will lead to a worse situation that will be beyond her control.  She cannot stand that.  She cannot stand being out of control.

Many of us, when things do not go our way, will just “let go”.  We can even say that “God has better plans.”

However, for someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, they get obsessive thoughts that they will lose whatever they have, and they will be abandoned.   These obsessive thoughts turn to deeper emotional pain.  They fear and are angry all at the same time.  They rage and scream like a toddler when they cannot get things they want.

Superficially, we look at it as selfish.  Well, it is selfish when we do not care to look at the welfare of others over our own.  But, at a closer look, this is what Borderlines are capable of giving at the moment of crisis.

Thus, we have to walk them through what they are thinking and feeling.

First, they will rage.  Teach them to calm down with breathing techniques.  Remind them that verbal abuse will not be tolerated and will be your cue to leave.

Second, they will justify their actions.  Hear them out and take note of the “lies” that they tend to believe.  Validate their negative thoughts but tell them that it may appear to be the “reality” but really tell them that they are thinking are projections of their “hurts and wounds”.  Ask them where is the pain coming from?  Where are they wounded?

Third, the feelings of rage, anger, frustration, hurts, resentments are normal feelings but we cannot let them be obsessed with these for a long time.  We do not want the evil one to make these emotions as breeding grounds to give them more lies.  Help them to catch these emotions as the first stage of temptation.  Teach them to forgive.  What would Jesus do?  Will Jesus continue to put down those who have hurt Him?  Jesus asks us to forgive countless times.

Fourth, re-instate the reality.  It is  important that she realizes that her negative obsessive thoughts are not hers.  These are “suggestions” by the evil one to torment them.   Thus, they must rebuke these thoughts and bring in something of God.  Let them know they you do not think bad of them for having these negative thoughts and that you are there to help them pray; to help them get over these negative emotions.  Tell them that it may take them several hours to reject these thoughts or they can start immediately and listen to their “good” self.

Each Borderline has an innate goodness.  This goodness must be tapped by their caregivers.  They must be reminded of this goodness at all times.  They do feel horrible of what they have just done to you or to their loved ones.  Assure your Borderline loved one  that you have right away forgiven them and that she should try their  best to forgive those that have hurt her.

If she cannot, it will make her sicker.

The inability to forgive is the bait of the evil one.

For other articles on Borderline Personality Disorder:

New Tips for Loved Ones to Handle a Teen with Borderline Personality Disorder

How to Survive a Relationship with a Loved One with Personality Disorders

Personality Disorders: Emotional Hangovers, Emotional Addiction, Emotional Abuse, Depression and Healing

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

New Tips for Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

My newest article entitled “

New Tips for Loved Ones to Handle a Teen with Borderline Personality Disorder

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6235608/new_tips_for_loved_ones_to_handle_a.html is published.

might also interest you:

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Signs Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

How to Deal with a Teen with Borderline Personality Disorder

Waiting for my new article to be published called “How to Deal with a Teen with Borderline Personality Disorder”?

Through many prayers and discernment, I was brought to the reality how there is one important ingredient in the healing of teenagers with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Watch out and stay tuned.

Borderline

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

 

When Your Children Cause You Distress and Disturbance

It is not out of the ordinary to hear a parent complain about the distress that children place on them.  It could be from the mundane to the difficult disorders.

One day, I wrote this letter to an online friend who was seeking an advice on what to do with his 13 year old son.  The boy is showing temper tantrums worse than her 4 year old. He lies about crazy stories that he expects his parents to believe.  He has shoplifted video games and stole money from relatives to fund similar purchases.   He is also very cruel to his siblings.  She found books about breastfeeding in his closet.  My friend was clearly in distress.

Mrs. Treasures writes:

I wish I can physically hug you right now and tell you not to worry. I wish I can write something now that can calm your mother’s sorrowful heart. I wish I can give you the names of highly recommended  psychiatrist, therapists and priests. But, I can only give you a glimmer of hope because God made it happen in our family.

My family situation 5 years ago was as difficult as yours. I did not comprehend that what we can do as parents is so limited in time and space dimensions… we always forget that God can go beyond human impossibilities. By why is God not doing anything now?

In reality, when you entrust your child to God 100%, your hands are tied,  for you can only do what God will allow you to do.

If we had money to spare, we would spend our entire money to find the best therapists and psychiatrists for this kind of problem. I watched in our support group some parents who were really well off and had access to mental health care . I saw them go from one tests to another, treatment to another treatment. But, none of them can claim that their children healed even after years and years of the best resources. Sometimes, money and wealth can be a crutch and prevent us from fully trusting God 100%. Also, our brains deter us from understanding God’s capabilities. God forced DH and me to look at the gifts He
has given us and the virtues we have acquired as a result of many challenges and to rely on the Church’s teaching to pull this off for our family.

I thank God each day now, not for removing the problems we had with our children in the past, I am grateful for what I have learned about God and His mercy. I have understood where the enemy is hiding in chaos and disorders in family. Most of all, I have understood what the vocation of motherhood is all about. It is a vocation of love. Easy to love obedient kids but strong willed ones… oh no…

Looking back now, I laugh at myself. How could we even worry?

The latest conversion of my firstborn is like a St. Augustine one, not in my wildest dreams… God will take care of all our problems with our children and not just “some” but all… yet it is at HIS TIME. We cannot force it because God has plans for our children and He has plans for us that we cannot fathom yet. What we will be going against is our impatience because we interpret things in realm of our human nature.

Your first line of defense with this trial is to make yourself worthy of this by making sure that you are obeying God’s commandment to love your son “in spite of” what he has done and continually doing. Do it one day at time. Focus on not getting agitated, anxious, or worrisome . I realized that God loves it when we surrender our fears to Him. When we demonstrate love instead of feeling that we have to show discipline (not that we avoid discipline but I have found that love is more irresistible to children).

Use the sacrament of marriage in praying for your son. Your DH and you must humbly kneel down to our Lord for this trial ( a gift in the making for your family). I have to tell you that my knees are very dark now… I have knelt so much for my children. And, I am still on my knees.

I know it is difficult to be calm with all this happening but you need to seek God in the silence and calmness.

My son said that the turning point in his conversion was when my husband, his stepfather, continued to be calm and love him. What does love look like? feel like in a situation like yours? How can we even think of hugging this boy that just caused us a scandal when all that is on our mind is to teach him a lesson? How does God want to show our parental love to this boy, in spite of what he has done? Only God has the answer for this because we are humans and our knowledge is limited. But, God takes whatever we offer. He knows we won’t have the perfect solution for our kid’s problem but God wants us to use this trial as an opportunity to show Him that we trust Him and His will.

Continue to pray for him through his angels, our Mother and Saints.

Satan wants family separated… he is not going to heal 100% in boarding school, the healing he needs is with God, and his family will be God’s instruments. Every time you show your kid some wrath, he is sort of cursed… and Satan just gladly comes back in this situation. Thus, I found it helpful in my anger, to step back, pray some more and come back with gentle words and bless him. What will win him back to God’s arms is your example of “gentleness and mercy”.

From someone who has been there, I can understand what you are going through. And my lessons learned is this: Our Catholic Faith has all the answers for the healing required for your boy. God’s reward for your perseverance and trust awaits you in heaven.

Praying for your family.

+++

Some articles you may be interested on regarding disorders and healing:

5 Secrets to Handle a Child’s Temper Tantrum

Borderline Personality Disorder and Compassion

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

Temper Dysregulation Disorder: The Proposed New Label for Children with Bipolar Disorder

For articles on RAISING CHILDREN:

5 Secrets to Handle a Temper Tantrum

The Effects of a Label to a Child’s Psychological and Learning Disorders

Form New Traditions in Catholic Blended Families

Spiritual Glasses to Understand the Difficult Child

5 Benefits of Piano Lessons that Parents Should Know

Spooky Christmas for a Large Blended Family

The Questions to Ask the Presidential Candidates: Do You Know the Ten Commandments

13 Foolproof Tips for Parents to Avoid Teen Depression

Recognizing and Treating Teen Depression

Conflicts with Stepchildren: What You Don’t Know

Who Else Wants to See the Pope?

Raising Your Teen: What You Want to Avoid

The Mathematical Equation for More Catholic Vocations

Ten Tips for How to Handle a Difficult Child

5 Quick and Proven Ways to Calm a Child

10 Reasons to Teach Cursive Writing First Before Print

10 Things Stepmothers and Stepfathers Must Do for Their Stepchildren

When Personality Disorders Start to Hurt You

My article “How to Survive a Relationship with Personality Disorder” was just published.  It tackles emotional hangovers, addictions to drama, depression and emotional healing especially for those with loved ones with personality disorders.

Read this article here.

You might like to read similar articles on this topic here.

How to Spot a Guy with Undiagnosed Personality Disorder

5 Secrets to Handle a Child’s Temper Tantrum

Handling Borderline Personality Disorder Rages: 5 Secrets for Their Loved Ones

Borderline Personality Disorder and Compassion

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

Temper Dysregulation Disorder: The Proposed New Label for Children with Bipolar Disorder

hi,
I’ve been reading the posts and am very interested. I have two sons with RAD (one is in residential treatment and the other is pretty mild) I wondered if you guys have heard of the rad consultancy? We were trying it and I”m a little skeptical. I do believe God can heal our children but sometimes it’s so hard to deal with the daily behaviors. Any suggestions would be great.

A

Mrs. Treasures writes:

Hi A:
Thanks for visiting. I’m sorry I have not heard of RAD consultancy. Can you give me a link so I can research about it?

My only suggestion, but the most difficult, is to trust God completely and to rely less on ourselves. The more intelligent we are, the more difficult it is to trust 100% our Lord. We always rationalize that God gave us brains to evaluate things and plan things out. On the other hand, intelligence can also be a stumbling block in our faith.

My mistake in the past is I relied on books and tested them out with the children. These books have no definitive long term studies so it is harmful to try out their suggestions and think we can just apply it to our RAD children. Another is not all therapists can understand and get RAD.

My lessons learned is simple: RAD is so so difficult disorder, that to survive it and make progress, you need to rely on God 100% to give you direction. Unless you are not predisposed to God’s will, you will be forever caught in a snare of the enemy, who will tell you lies about your RAD child.

This is not just a psychological battle. There are two sides – your RAD’s child side and your side. You need God in both sides to make it work.

I live day by day, but the difference is, I talk to God more… I discern what God wants me to do, not what I want to do. Because if I will rely on what I think needs to be done, I can do only so much. God’s way is very supernatural, that will go beyond time and space dimensions. That is why it is very effective in healing… unless you think of your present life as a preparation for heaven, which is our ultimate goal, you will get stuck in this earthly, worldly life.

Our ultimate journey is to be with God. Thus, everything in your life, including your RAD children are part of God’s design and plan. Everything you need to help your child is in the Church that Jesus left on earth. Everything you need to cope with your RAD child is available in God’s words and sacraments.

However, like any tools, you need to know which tool helps for what, and which one helps in other problems. Thus, to deal with RAD is really a journey to be worthy to see God in the future.

Jesus will ask us “How did you love this RAD child?”

And we must answer “I loved my RAD child, like how you have taught us. I love them just as I have loved You, Jesus.”

 

+++AMDG+++

5 Secrets to Handle a Child’s Temper Tantrum

Handling Borderline Personality Disorder Rages: 5 Secrets for Their Loved Ones

Borderline Personality Disorder and Compassion

 

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

Temper Dysregulation Disorder: The Proposed New Label for Children with Bipolar Disorder

 

Love Can Help Heal Disorders Related to Attachments

“Your actions towards your RAD children may seem very small and ordinary, but if you do it with love, it gets pleasing and powerful”.  In my heart, I heard God say this to me tonight when I visited the Adoration Chapel.  I asked him to talk to me.

This afternoon, I had a very long discussion with my 17 yo about many things until it went to her sensitive spots.  I want closure to it.  I want her to take advantage of this time to speak up and tell me or at least make me understand what is really going on with her.

And, when you seek for that, you get worse than what you will expect.

She felt misunderstood though I had to admit, I knew I was very articulate and clear.

I felt she misunderstood my actions towards her in the past, but I knew she was clear too.

But, somewhere along the lines we  are airing out some “hurts” in our relationship and we both seek understanding and we ended up with more heartaches.

When you start worrying about the final outcome of your conversation with your RAD child, it would feel that you will lose the battle.

I think it is important to wear our “Spiritual Glasses” to see where the real foe is hiding.  Your enemy is not your RAD child.  Your enemy is the spiritual foe of mankind.  The one that will continually tell you lies about your RAD child.  It is the same foe that will continually tell lies to your RAD child about you.  If you will entangle yourself in this snare, you will not achieve anything with your RAD child.  Both of you will add tons of resentments that will be bottled up in your heart.

Thus, it is very important that you do not give up, even if you feel like giving up on your RAD child.  To feel frustrated is to be human, but to give up and lose your compassion for your RAD child is what the enemy wants you to do.  Your RAD child wants to give up on you too, because your RAD child feels misunderstood.

Because of my inner call to God to assist me, my husband strategically arrived at home.  From then on, he was able to continue our discussion with our daughter.  It was not easy.  It was not to prove her wrong, and prove us right.  We stayed with her for a few more hours, risking our original plan because we love her enough.

And, this is what God told me tonight.  God only needs us to “love” this children in our own unique ways and He will give us the power to see the “foe and where it is hiding”.  He will make us understand that what we need for this child is more than we can humanly think is possible.

God’s love conquers everything.  If we can imitate Him and apply the same Love to our children, no matter how unlovable they appear to be…  no matter how small our actions are, it is very pleasing to our Lord.  And, the Lord will give us the grace to bear this all.

+++AMDG+++

5 Secrets to Handle a Child’s Temper Tantrum

Handling Borderline Personality Disorder Rages: 5 Secrets for Their Loved Ones

Borderline Personality Disorder and Compassion

 

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

Temper Dysregulation Disorder: The Proposed New Label for Children with Bipolar Disorder

 

Wisdom of the Marian principle for healing disorders

What is the marian principle?

It is a theory that I coined to help a person who has suffered many forms of abuses in their lives.  It involves connecting to Mary and having a devotion to knowing her.

Unfortunately, since Mary is well respected and adored in the Catholic spirituality, Mary is very much downplayed in many other religion.

If you have been abused in the past and those abuses are still manifested in your life through depression, feelings of emptiness, passive anger… then you are just surviving.  You have not yet healed.  I am sure that you go through periods of closeness to God and absence of God in your lives.

A common therapeutic approach to those suffering from depression to find a “person” that you trust that you can tell what you feel.   The person you selected must be non-judgmental.  If you cannot find that person in your family and social circle, you are advised to go into therapy.

This is what happens when you take the worldly approach to your healing.  You spend money and your time in the realm of psychology and psychiatry.  But, your progress is slow and inconsistent.  It also becomes frustrating because you scheduled therapy sessions cannot keep up with the intensity of your emotional problems.

Those people I have met rely heavily on their devotion to the Blessed Mother to heal from their trauma.  Otherwise, they all have risk factors to suffer from such a debilitating illness such as Borderline Personality Disorder.

There is a lady, she is around in her mid-60s, who was sexually molested by her cousins while she was growing up.  She was also physically and emotionally abused by her own biological mother.  Well, she connected to the Blessed Mother and requested her to be her mother.  She became closer to God, Jesus and the Catholic Faith in the process.

Contrary to what other religion to think, Mary will always lead you to Jesus.  It is odd for them to understand.  But the “Marian principle” is the secret of many Saints who grew to love Jesus, our Lord.  Mary is the mother of Jesus, and to know Jesus is to know that she holds a special place in His heart.  To think that Mary was just simply “human” and filled without grace, is not logically accurate.  How could Jesus come from a simple woman?  Mary was chosen, among women, and filled with much grace to carry the Savior in her womb.

If you are emotionally depressed or suffering from a disorder, seek a connection with Mary.  She will always lead you to Jesus.

Handling Borderline Personality Disorder Rages: 5 Secrets for Their Loved Ones

Borderline Personality Disorder and Compassion

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

Temper Dysregulation Disorder: The Proposed New Label for Children with Bipolar Disorder

Can you spot a man with Personality Disorder?

Personality Disorder in Men is not obvious.

My article “How to Spot a Guy with Undiagnosed Personality Disorder” has just been published.

Men with undiagnosed personality disorders victimize specific types of women. These men linger around online matchmaking or relationship sites. They like to prey on emotionally vulnerable girls and women who still fantasize about heroes, Prince Charming, and protectors. Naive women desire to be swept off their feet, making them an open prey to the manipulative schemes and mind games of these victim-seeking predators.

Check it out.

For other interesting articles on the many disorders in our midst, you may like to browse through the following:

Handling Borderline Personality Disorder Rages: 5 Secrets for Their Loved Ones

Borderline Personality Disorder and Compassion

10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex ? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom’s an Emotional Terrorist

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

Developmental Trauma Disorder: Next High-Profile Mental Health Issue

5 Tips to Deal with a Loved One with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Does Raymond Clarke III Have It?

Moms with Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder: 5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Heal

Temper Dysregulation Disorder: The Proposed New Label for Children with Bipolar Disorder