It takes two to tango. We can never solely blame someone with Borderline Personality Disorder that it is all their fault that is why you have no peace in your life.
A Borderline will always seek to engage you. Some of us have separated ourselves from our Borderline loved ones for the sake of peace in our lives and in theirs. It is a mutual giving and respect for their needs and happiness.
However, if things are going perfectly in their lives, the Borderline loved one is happy and will have no obsession to be with you. It is only when something is amiss, even boredom, can lead them to you.
And, when they are ready to engage with you, they do not need your permission. Having little sense of boundaries, they will storm your place without the usual etiquette . They know they are not welcomed based on their past experiences, but they justify the unwelcome by gatecrashing the social boundaries that everyone understands except themselves. It empowers them with their so-called “rights” to their loved ones.
The healthy person in the relationship steps back and re-affirms the boundaries to their disgust and dismay. Taking a risk after an abrupt decision to engage, they find themselves unwelcome and convince themselves that they are “ok”. It gives them a false sense that they did something right, yet they feel the same old emotional garbage that makes them angry with their families and loved ones. It a cycle of “hate, resentment and bitterness and rationalization.” It seems there was never a growth on the direction of healing. They are still holding on to the past hurts, when everyone has already moved forward to their healing and peace.
While it makes us sad to witness this, we realize that it isn’t that they are not trying at all to be better and to make a headway in their lives. In fact, the false sense that they are in a better place is the one the keeps them stuck to their old bitterness and resentment.
You cannot be better if you cannot forgive. You can just suppress it for it is all over your face. And, your body language says it all. Without forgiveness, all the blocks to your healing are enforced. And, you look happy to the world but in the secret depths of your heart, you do not have the full freedom that our Lord Jesus is talking about in the Gospel.
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