UPDATE: Moving my articles to MRSTREASURES.COM website.
In my personal experience, I have to force myself to calm down to effectively deal with a situation in the house with the children. If I am under a lot of stress, my attitude towards my children changes too. I avoid them because I know that I may say some things that would hurt them. To confront them at the moment of dysregulation may be fruitful if you have learned some techniques to calm down and change your tone of voice. In any case, a child would know. A child just instinctively knows when you are really angry no matter how much you try to hide it. Children read our facial expressions. They know that “mean look”. Parents are everything for children. They adore us. They instinctively mimic us. Our tone of voice, one notch up in terms of volume, can cause panic in a sensitive child.
If your wife is Borderline, it will be foolish to think that a child can just handle it. How can their stress response be calm when the emotions of their mother are unpredictable? Where will they learn to regulate their emotions if their “model” is unable to control his or her feelings?
Children of Borderline Mothers are at high risk for trauma. I will never believe a Borderline Mother who come up to me and tells me that her case is different or that her child is very normal and able to handle it because she is a loving person in spite of the disorder. It is very hard to believe a woman, who acts like a child, shows tantrums, spews profanities that her child is calm and has a well developed stress response system. Are the Borderline mothers misinterpreting the “avoidant” personalities of their children? These children have learned to flee emotionally away from their Borderline mothers during rages and emotional dysregulation. Many people misinterpret it as coping. In reality, these children are “acting in” . You will see the effects of their dysfunctions when their puberty hormones set in. They are angry and will misdirect their inner disturbances in many unhealthy outlets.
New Blog Posts – Check Borderline Personality Disorder category.
For more information on these disorder, please review the following articles: