Mothers receive the brunt of a child’s tantrum early in life. I think God designed it this way precisely because God gave mothers a special gift in her heart. Mothers have an ability to understand her children in ways that can’t be described in words. The feeling associated with mothers is gentleness. Mothers can be the tough disciplinarian but in the long run, her sensitivity will surface and rationalize her strict demeanor.
I have written an article “When Your Mother is an Emotional Terrorist” as a voice to those children who were neglected and emotionally abused. We expect mothers to be all what the greeting card says “terrific, a good listener, compassionate, fearlessness, generous, and the list goes on”. However, many in our midst have suffered greatly from a mother who is an emotional terrorist. A mother who is bitter perhaps due to an undiagnosed physical ailment like hypothyroidism. Some illnesses are known to present behavioral changes even leading to psychosis.
In the article “Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder“, I have written the experiences of people who have suffered in confusion of having a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have seen friends who ache for the mother they never had.
As I attempt to be the mother that God designed me to be, I contemplate about my mother. I thought my mother was an emotional terrorist when I was growing up. I was wrong. It will only be when you become a mother yourself that you will realize what sacrifices your mother must do for your welfare. My mother nurtured me so I can reach my dreams. She gave me freedom to explore the world. She gave me “silence” when I insist on doing something which I know is right. In the end, she taught me what “natural consequences” are all about. It made me learn from my mistakes. However, she did not stop preaching. But, there was something in her which I think we will never find in a person who is mentally ill. She is consistent in her values. She is sacrificing. She is happy that I am her daughter.
In the world of a child with a mother who is an emotional terrorist, nothing is constant. Feedbacks are negative. The positive relationships with their mother will turn sour in the slightest provocation. The emotional terrorist mother will change her rules according to her emotional state.
A healthy mother would apologize and ask forgiveness. A mother who is sick will insist that there is nothing to forgive for it did not really happen. Then this emotional terrorist mom will rationalize her actions according to her perception. Meanwhile, the child feels she is the one who is bad. She feels so unworthy to be loved. You can find a lot of these children, broken by their mother but still visiting the aisle of the greeting cards section. They are still looking for the right Mother’s Day card to give their mother. They have forgiven their mother. But, something just ache in their hearts and it makes it hard for them to heal.
For articles on Borderline Personality Disorder, please check out the following