When Your Mom has Borderline Personality Disorder

St. Dymphna is the patron saint for emotional disturbance

St. Dymphna is the patron saint for emotional disturbance


UPDATE:  Moving to the new website:  Mrstreasures.com

Veronica, a reader of my article “Mother’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When your Mom is an Emotional Terrorist” articulated in her own words the pain of those children with BPD mother.

“Thank-you for telling the real truth about how difficult it is and how utterly emotionally draining it is to have a mother with borderline personality disorder. There are so many articles that tiptoe around the truth and never tell how adult children of BPD’s are in constant terror from their mothers. This article was spot-on and I thank-you for giving a voice to all the adult children who are utterly confused and victims of this terrible illness that rips families and souls apart. I am an adult child victim as well and I could relate to EVERY sentence in this article.

Veronica (2008, May 05)

“When your Mom is an Emotional Terrorist” is about the plight of  children and their relationship with their Borderline mother.  They love her so much but being children, it is very hard for them to understand the difference between the illness and their mother’s behavior.  There seems to be no demarcation line that their mother is now being BORDERLINE.  The emotional outbursts are very unpredictable and scary for them.  Their world used to be very chaotic, their inner disturbances are acted out in other behaviors.

It leads me to the question if we should protect the children of BPD mothers?  How will we do it?  Do we let them suffer their fate?

The spouses of Borderlines are so engrossed with the partner’s never-ending problems that many children needs are emotionally neglected.  The spouses are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PSTD) themselves and trying to make sense of their miseries.  The children are suffering from Development Trauma Disorder (DTD) and possibly Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).

A facade of normalcy is displayed to the outside world. But in reality, these children live in self-contained prison camps.  Some through genetic disposition end up being Borderline.  Some are able to make a drastic effort not to be Borderline.  But everyone in the process is traumatized.  BPD is a disorder that should not be taken lightly.  If you are in a BPD relationship and your partner is in denial, please protect your innocent children.  Each day in a BPD relationship is deadly for a child.  Think of your children.

If you are interested to know more about DEVELOPMENT TRAUMA DISORDER and learn more about Borderline Personality Disorder, please visit the following articles:

Development Trauma Disorder: The Next High Profile Mental Health Issue

How to Spot a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder

The Scariest Aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder

10 Tips to Handle a Difficult Ex:  Foster of Borderline Personality Disorder


1 Comment

  1. I think it’s also important to note that children who are victimized by borderline personality parents are also highly likely to develop post traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is in no way exclusive to the spouse. In many ways, the spouse is to blame for allowing the victimization of the children. For heaven’s sake, shouldn’t the adult parent who is not BPD have some realization that the children are being damaged? I think the worse bit is when the parents do divorce. (I mean, seriously, this is likely because, if nothing else, the BPD spouse will leave solely for the drama of the divorce experience.) When this happens, the BPD parent now transfers the “scape goat” role to one of the children. This is probably one of the most debilitating developmental experiences – how can a child under the age of 10 (7, 5, 2…) even begin to process what is going on. Of course, the child will believe the BPD parent. Hey, if Mom says you’re the anti-christ incarnate and you’re 5 years old, well, certainly, it *must* be true because, hey, Mom would *never* lie and the only people you can ‘really’ trust are family… right?

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