The Cure for Disorders

This week is the so-called “birthday week” of my first born son. For 21 years of his life, I would consider him my problem child. It was because nothing I do comforts him. He was demanding from me so much: time, attention, toys etc.

From the moment he was born, we were forced to separate because I developed an extreme blister-like allergy from the antibiotics they gave me after my C/S section. I recall the torture of being away from my first baby. I wished the OB-GYN would have been knowledgeable enough to refer me to a dermatologist so she can make her own diagnosis but she didn’t.

My brain was so foggy that I was depending on my mother to make that decision for me. I do not recall where my first husband was at that time. He was dealing with the reality of a new responsibility perhaps. But, I do not understand why no one stood up for this baby and told the doctors that they can take care of my baby while I was sick with this contagious disease. How can my parents or his father not see that this baby needs me? And, in my desire not to infect my baby with this undiagnosed skin disease, I chose to keep him safe. I thought the hospital nursery was a safe place.

This was the first risk that I took in my first born’s life. The separation was critical to his normal attachment development.

At 24 years old, I was naive and too dependent on my parents. I was too immature.

This story could have been unheard of in this age and times, but it did happen. Upon reflecting on it, I realized that there are many things we do to our children that we are ignorant about.

But, no need to sulk about it. The damage has been done.

As I reflect on his birthday this August 04. I remember that I love this boy so much and I love him with the same intensity as 22 years ago. Only this time, he appreciates my love for him. Early this year, God delivered him from the enemy’s hands and all my complaints about him vanished gradually. At last, I have the son that God intended me to have.

After he reached the age of 7, he displayed symptoms of so many disorders. It has a semblance of ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder and in his adulthood, he displayed so many symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Really, I have no clue. Knowing what I know now, it could just be an “evil spirit”.

Just like any new mom, I tried to find solutions for him by reading lots of books. What happened? Somewhere along the lines, I was not careful in what I read. I brought in “new age” solutions. I really did not check the authors and their background. As long as they sound good in print and their ideas contain new strategies to help the behaviors of my son, I bought into it. I was ignorant of the dangers of these so called “self-help” books freely available in the bookstores.

Though I did not leave the Catholic Church and stayed closed by, I did not live an exemplary virtuous life. I was always trying to be pious, but it was a confusing world. I prioritized the demands of the secular, material world.

I went into higher studies and was promoted to the career ladder. It felt good to be accomplished. I felt I was above the clouds when my work allowed me to travel around the world. I thought this was what God wanted for me.

I thought…

But, I never listened to God. At least, I never attempted to silence my heart and listen to His voice.

Since there was no major obstacle, I thought this was God’s plan for me.

I did not realize that, I pushed that “life” on me. I just hoped God will agree to my plans.

My foolish pride tells me, this is the reason God gave me brains, so I can plan things and know what is best for myself and my family.

WRONG!

He gave you brains to figure out His Divine Plan for you. He wants to you to acknowledge that you are nothing without Him.

After going through this roller coaster ride called “LIFE”. I came to know that God can strip you of everything just because He loves you so much.

Some people have to be stripped off material wealth, some people have to be stripped of their main employment, some people have to be stripped off the opportunity to have children.

We all have different “crosses” in our lives.

God wants you to get out of the “roller coaster” ride that can seem out of control sometimes. He wants you to get off that and seek a less “cluttered” life.

De-clutter your life. Or else, you cannot hear God.

Prioritize not your priorities but the priorities of God.

Whatever you need to handle the “disorders” in your child is in God’s hands. You must let Him touch you and your children first. Rest on His Hands, for as long He needs you too. Be patient, because He has kept His promises through all ages.

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